Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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