She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
