doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
