Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
