never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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