The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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