11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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