it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
