is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We are two peas in an std pod
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
