Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
