drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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