i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
