dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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