For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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