I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i love accidental penises.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we're making bets on your personal life
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
