you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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