i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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