things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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