Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
