ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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