Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
