This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
