I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
