he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
