My Higher Power is John Stamos
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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