I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
