I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
