WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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