Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
