My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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