I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
