Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need a beard to bite.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
