I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
