Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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