It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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