remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
