Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
even my farts smell like vagina
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
