how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
