My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
