I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
