I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
