You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
