oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
