yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
