Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
