Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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