Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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