You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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