I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
