but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
