apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
