You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
