so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
