I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
