Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
