I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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