you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
